05.03.10 - since when was trying so difficult..

I understand, I really do, to why you have set certain expectations for me, and I’m glad. It makes me strive to be something, to be someone that you are proud of and is happy with, but why do they have to be so high? I’m trying so hard, so hard to make you happy, but it just seems like I’m making error after error after error. If I’m so bad at making you happy, then why do you keep putting up with me? Why do you always do this to me? Why don’t’ you just throw me away like everyone else I’ve disappointed? Why do you have to make it so hard for me? 

Just as I feel like I’m done something right, you lecture me about something else and you turn your back on me. I put so much effort into everything I do just to make you happy, and you don’t even praise me, not even a little bit. I am in VCE and I’m accepting the responsibilities that I need to pass. To be honest, the 4^th week has just finished and I swear I’ve done more work in the past 4 weeks then in the past 4 years. If I was in my old state of mind, I probably would have given up already. I know, that you know that I’m having a rough time, but I keep trying to push through because I want you to be happy with me, I want to be able to feel like I’m finally reaching your expectations but you’re making it seem pretty much impossible.

I just want to be praise.. I want to feel that satisfaction of finally doing something right..

Please praise me for my hardwork..